Sep 12 2008
Maybe the way lovers do
Title: Maybe the way lovers do
Author: dorrie6
Fandom: Banana Fish
Prompt: Ash/Eiji, confession
Rating: R
Disclaimer: The characters and universe presented in this story are the property of Akimi Yoshida.
Summary: Eiji is given an unexpected opportunity.
Notes: Set in between the main series and the after-story, Garden of Light. Contains major spoilers for the series.
*****
Maybe the way lovers do
The room was too warm, and Eiji pushed off his comforter, shifting irritably under the sheets. His foot hit something solid, and he groaned. ”Sing, is that you?” he asked, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. The figure at the edge of his bed was not Sing.
“Ash!” Eiji cried, hands flying to his face. ”You are–” He closed his eyes and then opened them again. Nothing had changed. ”Ash!” He reached out his hand to touch, but then, realizing Ash was shirtless, pulled back, face flushed. ”I’m–” he stuttered, staring at the motionless face in front of him. ”Sorry. Why do you look at me like that?”
Ash blinked. ”I thought this’d be in Japanese.”
“What do you mean?” Eiji asked, frowning.
“Didn’t expect you’d dream in English,” Ash said.
“Oh,” Eiji’s heart sank. ”This is a dream.”
“You thought I came back from the dead?” Ash smiled. ”Some rules even I can’t break.”
“How are you so real?” Eiji asked, reaching out again, and touching Ash’s shoulder. ”This time is different.”
“You dream about me a lot?” Ash asked.
“Yes,” Eiji said, unthinking, then panicked as Ash began to grin. ”I mean–”
“This is different,” Ash said, suddenly serious. ”I don’t know how, but I know you brought me here.” His eyes were fixed on Eiji’s. ”You were thinking about me.”
“I am always…” Eiji trailed off, heat rising in his cheeks.
If Ash noticed, he ignored it. ”So what’s different about this dream?” he asked.
“You–” Eiji swallowed hard. ”You do not usually come to my bed.” He gestured toward Ash’s shirtless form. ”Not like this.”
Ash quirked an eyebrow. ”Eiji, you’ve seen me like this a hundred times.”
“No–” Eiji’s face was only getting hotter. ”It is different.”
Ash was silent, studying Eiji’s face. ”That must be it, then,” he said, finally, nodding. ”This is what you need.” He reached out his hand and stroked Eiji’s cheek, speaking softly. “After so many years, still hanging on to this.” He brought his face so close that Eiji could feel his breath, and then suddenly he was kissing Eiji, long and sweet.
“I wanted to do this,” Eiji gasped. “So much. I–”
Ash placed a finger over Eiji’s mouth. ”Shhhhh–” He kissed him again, lips warm and impossibly soft.
Eiji pulled away, gripping Ash’s shoulders. ”Please, I want to tell you–”
“Stop,” Ash said, pushing their foreheads together. “It’s not good for you. You should be over me already.”
Eiji shook his head. ”Never–”
“Don’t.” Ash kissed him again, hard. ”I’m here. Enjoy this. Right here, right now.” His voice dropped to a rough whisper. ”Then forget me.”
“Ash,” Eiji began to protest, but he was silenced by another kiss as Ash guided him gently back to his pillow, stretching his own body over Eiji’s until they were fitted perfectly together. Ash threaded his fingers together with Eiji’s and then moved his mouth down his neck and over his chest, leaving kisses all along the way. He kissed his way down to Eiji’s stomach, and then–
“No,” Eiji said, pushing himself up on his elbows.
Ash paused, hovering catlike over Eiji, skin glowing in the moonlight. ”I thought this was what you wanted.”
Eiji sat up, pulling Ash’s hands to his chest. ”Other people have always been taking from you. That is all they do,” he said. ”If this is my one chance, I want to give you something.”
Ash’s eyes widened. ”You’re really missing out,” he said, smirking. ”Men have paid big money for this, y’know.”
Eiji frowned. ”Stop joking. I am serious.”
“Eiji Okumura,” Ash said, shifting his hands so that he could run his thumbs over Eiji’s palms, studying them as though he could read the future. “There’s not another one like you in the whole world.” He looked up at Eiji. ”Do you even know what to do?”
“I think I will figure it out,” Eiji said, sliding to the floor and pulling Ash around so he could settle between his legs.
His hands were shaking a little, and he ran them over Ash’s thighs, shivering as his thumb brushed the bulge at the front of his jeans. Of course my subconscious put you in jeans, he thought, smiling.
“Something funny?” Ash asked.
Eiji looked up into his face, half-hidden in shadow. ”I wish I could photograph you, just like this.”
Ash’s eyes glittered. ”You’re stalling.”
Eiji pulled Ash’s head down with his left hand and kissed him fiercely, his right hand working at the button of Ash’s jeans. As the button finally came free, he tore himself from the kiss, and rested his head against Ash’s stomach. He was breathing hard and his hands were trembling as he unzipped Ash’s jeans, realizing then that they were all Ash was wearing.
It’s just a dream, Eiji reminded himself. I don’t know what this is really like. He pushed his hands into the waistband of Ash’s jeans, and pulled them down for better access, keeping his hands gripped around Ash’s backside. Ash tasted like salt and honey all at once, hot and smooth under Eiji’s tongue. This is Ash’s skin, he thought. This is Ash’s– Then Ash made a noise that vibrated through Eiji’s entire body, and Eiji stopped caring about anything but making that noise happen over and over again. I love you, Ash, he thought, pouring all his feelings from the last five years into this one action. I can’t tell you, but I can show you. A few tears trickled down his cheeks, mixing with sweat, clinging in tiny droplets around his aching jaw. I love you, he thought. Please feel it. Please. Finally, Ash shuddered, hard and gasping, as warm liquid burst into Eiji’s throat. Eiji resisted the urge to pull away, swallowing desperately. I love you, he thought. Ash, I love you.
Then solid hands were around his shoulders, pulling him back up on the bed, and settling around him, holding him close despite the oppressive warmth of the room.
“Really, though, why is this in English?” Ash asked, out of the blue, hours later, so it seemed.
Eiji smiled. “I don’t know,” he said. “I guess I have been living here so long, I think that way sometimes.”
Ash sat up, taking in his surroundings, like he was seeing them for the first time. “This is…”
“New York,” Eiji said. “No!” he shouted, as realization dawned on him. “I did go. Just like I promised. But–” I missed you, he thought, stopping himself just in time. “I had to come back. Japan was not my home anymore.” You were.
Ash stared at him. “I wasn’t here when you got back,” he said, as though he’d read Eiji’s mind. “Why did you stay?”
Eiji smiled, gazing up at Ash’s face. It was more beautiful even than he’d remembered. “You are everywhere here. Around every corner. Even in the air,” he said. His smile faded. “I said I would stay with you forever. Do you think that ended when you left?”
Ash reached out to touch Eiji’s face. “Look what I’ve done to you. I promised myself I wouldn’t let you get hurt again, and look at what I’ve done.” And then he was standing up.
“No, Ash!” Eiji cried, jumping from the bed and grabbing his arm. “It is not enough time!”
Ash pulled him close, running his fingers through Eiji’s hair, and whispering into his ear. “Please, Eiji. You have to forget me,” he said. “You have to give that beautiful heart to someone else. This ugly world needs more hearts like yours. It isn’t right to keep it all locked up.” He pulled away, smiling sadly. “If I had met you sooner, maybe I could have–” he broke off, backing toward the door. “I’m sorry, Eiji. I’m so sorry.”
“Ash!” Eiji fell to his knees.
“Gotta go,” Ash said, opening the door.
Tears poured down Eiji’s face, and his head dropped into his hands.
“Eiji.”
Eiji’s head snapped up.
Ash smiled. “I loved you,” he said, and disappeared.
“Ash!” Eiji scrambled to his feet, running for the door. “Wait! Ash!”
The hallway was empty.
*****
The room was too warm, and Eiji pushed off his comforter, shifting irritably under the sheets. His foot hit something solid, and he shot up, heart racing. At the edge of his bed was Sing.
Eiji struggled to calm himself. “Sing, what are you doing here?”
“You were calling out in your sleep,” Sing said. “For… Ash. I came in.” He laughed nervously. “I don’t know why. I know there’s nothing I can do.”
“It’s okay,” Eiji said. “Thank you. I’m okay.” Sing didn’t move. Eiji forced a smile. “You should go back to bed.”
“Okay.” Sing looked uncertain, but he got up and walked to the door. “‘Night, Eiji.”
Eiji curled back into the sheets, staring blankly at the wall.